Chua Hwee Pheng's life changed drastically upon diagnosis of a rare tumour. Whether hospitalised or recovering at home, she always wakes up early for the "Xun Fa Xiang" session, which translates to 'Dharma Incense Permeation'. This gave her a sense of normality even during tumultuous times. (Photo by Chua Hwee Pheng)
Chua Hwee Pheng has been attending the "Dharma Incense Permeation" session since 2018, as she enjoys listening to the dharma teachings alongside others.
She formerly worked as an educator. After listening to Wisdom at Dawn by Dharma Master Cheng Yen and praying in the morning, she would rush to school to begin her day of teaching. On weekends, she would have breakfast alongside other "Dharma Incense Permeation" volunteers while sharing their learnings. Listening to how different people interpreted the Master's teachings have broadened her horizons.
Although she is a Buddhist, Chua Hwee Pheng used to visit temples occasionally and did not have the habit of chanting or reading sutras. However, things took a turn one day, which was the day her 17-year-old nephew, who had no underlying conditions, passed away in his sleep. His passing greatly impacted the Chua family. At his funeral, Chua Hwee Pheng thought to herself, "If my time is up, how would others remember me?" She began to seek the meaning of life but had no idea where to start.
At a friend's house, she saw an exquisitely designed calendar containing Jing Si Aphorisms and felt that the aphorisms were inspirational. It was love at first sight, and from then on, she decided to volunteer with Tzu Chi at Jing Si Books & Café.
Learning with a humble heart wherever she goes
After joining Tzu Chi, Chua Hwee Pheng actively participated in various activities to learn more and interact with different volunteers. As a self-proclaimed "highly inquisitive child", she was a humble learner. She felt that she could learn wherever she was and experience Buddha's teachings in real life.
For instance, during the Tzu Chi Festive Charity Fair, all volunteering assistants had to undergo a food safety course even though they were not hawkers by profession, which made her understand that the volunteers were truly committed. What touched her the most was how everyone insisted on not using disposable cutlery. To achieve that, there had to be someone volunteering to clean the used dishes and all volunteers involved in dishwashing, regardless of age, were spread out and serious in their work. She recounts how she could still remember that scene vividly and was inspired by Tzu Chi's spirit of doing what they preach.
From the home visits, she felt how the home visit volunteers strived to help beneficiaries as much as possible and were empathetic and warm to them. Not only that, but the volunteers were also extremely prudent with donations. These taught her to be grateful for what she had.
On another occasion, she saw two Tzu Chi sisters debating about how to cut vegetables when she was helping out in the kitchen. She was tempted to pitch in with her own opinion too, but before she could, a brother who was cutting vegetables at the side said gently, "We are here to improve ourselves, not to fix others forcefully." This was a stark reminder that she joined precisely for this purpose!
As a team leader under Tzu Chi's Eco mission, Chua Hwee Pheng conducts a sharing about the relationship between climate change and vegetarian food to youths visiting the Tzu Chi Eco-Awareness Centre. (Photo by Tan Cheng Hwa)
Chua Hwee Pheng also shared about how her experiences in Tzu Chi's activities has allowed her to learn immensely every time, giving her a sense of joy when she applies it to other contexts in life. She began to have greater confidence in Tzu Chi and was braver in pursuing what was right.
Learning the essence of Jing Si by listening to Dharma talk at dawn
Initially, Chua Hwee Pheng did not know what Dharma Teachings and Practice at Dawn entailed and was curious about it. In the early hours of the morning, she would drive and pick up volunteers nearby to attend the "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions at Jing Si Hall or Jing Si Books & Café.
As Master Cheng Yen shares teachings in Minnan dialect, the sutras and analogies are subtitled so that listeners can understand the content shared. Chua Hwee Pheng shared that she does not fully understand Minnan, so she would copy them down quickly after the subtitles appeared. However, she could not understand some words and was unable to copy them fast enough.
Most young people in Singapore, like Chua Hwee Pheng, converse in English in all aspects of their lives, with Chinese as their second language. Typically, people seldom use dialects, and even if they do, it is mostly colloquial. Despite the language barrier, Chua Hwee Pheng refuses to give up and tells herself that it would be fulfilling enough as long as she understands one sentence of the teachings every day.
Chua Hwee Pheng began to jot down notes from sessions, sometimes complementing with pictures to increase her understanding. Not only that, she would use different coloured pens to denote Master Cheng Yen's analogies and insights. When any of the daily teachings were highly relevant to the issues she faced, she would apply her learnings on the spot.
Her motivation to continue attending the "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions stems from her experience volunteering at Taiwan's Jing Si Abode in 2019. In the early morning, lessons would be held with Master Cheng Yen sharing Jing Si Aphorisms. Chua Hwee Pheng's gaze followed Master Cheng Yen as she entered the hall with light footsteps. Under the weak lighting pre-dawn, Master Cheng Yen had seemed a lot more relatable. This interaction up close touched Chua Hwee Pheng, and she teared up upon feeling how her longstanding questions had been answered.
She also saw how residents in the abode were independent and led simple, routine lives. They lived by the principle of "no work, no meal", and they treasured every moment. The experience allowed her to understand more about Jing Si.
Internalising Dharma by reflecting on the "poor son" mentality
Due to the implementation of COVID-19 restrictions in 2020, "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions were pivoted online and held from 5am to 8am daily. Despite this, the 2-hour programme still benefitted participants greatly.
In one of the recent sessions, The Parable of the Poor Son from the fourth chapter of the Lotus Sutra was shared with attendees. The parable described how the poor son was homeless and lost, yet he did not realise how he had a wealth of Dharma assets.
Upon reflection, Chua Hwee Pheng realised how everyone is bound to have the poor son's mentality. She shared that as humans, we fear making mistakes repeatedly and hence, restrict ourselves, resulting in us lacking the courage to try new things. From the parable, she learnt to be more conscientious before making any decisions.
When listening to Dharma teachings, it is not about how much one can remember but how much one has internalised the teachings. Under the subtle influences of the teachings, Chua Hwee Pheng saw a change in herself.
In 2019, her father was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. Due to a fall, he was hospitalised and was in a critical condition, necessitating a tracheostomy. Her family members were anxious and worried about his condition. Although she felt the same, she was more grateful that her father's life was saved and was extremely grateful for the treatment and care that the medical team had rendered. With this, she felt more at ease and less worried. She shared how, without her days at Tzu Chi, she would have felt helpless upon facing such situations in her life. After internalising the Dharma teachings, she could naturally share them with her friends in their conversations.
During her days as Subject Head in her school, Chua Hwee Pheng had often reserved the "most challenging class" for herself. When facing despondent students, she would prod them into action by explaining how they have the choice to improve their seemingly terrible lives and prevent them from worsening. After attending the "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions, she was inspired by how Buddha had used analogies in the Lotus Sutra and leveraged it in her teaching. She would modify her teaching styles to cater to different students' personalities and provide more guidance whenever necessary.
Seeking gratitude in adversity despite the torment of sickness
In 2021, Chua Hwee Pheng contended with one of the biggest challenges in her life. She sought treatment for her deteriorating vision, only to be diagnosed with a rare brain tumour. When she knew she had to undergo major surgery with the possibility of losing her life, she felt scared and uncertain. However, she held onto her last glimmer of hope – to be independent post-surgery. Before she underwent surgery, she made a will and kept herself composed. She told herself that she had to stay strong and be calm in facing such adversity for her family members.
After a 10-hour surgery, Chua Hwee Pheng woke up with no other feelings except gratitude. She was grateful that she could regain consciousness and was thankful that she had met an excellent medical team. Most importantly, she was grateful for her family's company and the care and concern of the people she met at Tzu Chi.
Post-surgery, Chua Hwee Pheng faced challenges in everyday tasks. She found joy in the smallest things, such as being able to relieve herself. She saw the sorrows and pain of other patients when she was hospitalised for a month. Having had a close shave with death, she treasured her life more and wanted to do something for the patients. She played light-hearted Tzu Chi songs every day, hoping to cheer the other patients up. She also copied the Sutra of the Merit and Virtue of the Past Vows of Medicine Master Vaidurya Light Tathagata and folded paper cranes to be gifted these cranes to the patients to convey her well-wishes.
After receiving her tumour marker test, Chua Hwee Pheng had to undergo electrotherapy. She comforted herself not to be overly worried about the future and even agreed to take up the Coordinator role for the Year End Blessing Ceremony.
Chua Hwee Pheng attended online "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions with her dog on her knee. (Photo by Chua Hwee Pheng)
Under the influence of "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions, she mustered the courage to undergo treatment and had the will to emerge stronger, to serve others. She also shared how she learnt to make conscious efforts to think from a different perspective and be less impulsive. After joining Tzu Chi, she learnt to be more empathetic and work on her fundamental imperfections. By being more sensitive and composed, she became less overwhelmed with negative emotions.
During her recovery, she insisted on continuing her vegetarian diet, which had worried her mother. To keep her mother at ease, she asked TCM physician Chan Chiew Yong to share recipes for vegetarian patients with her mother.
Master Cheng Yen said, "One is living, as they breathe." Chua Hwee Pheng wants to live in the moment more and treasure it. Her greatest desire now is to return to Jing Si Abode in Hualien, where she connects with her inner soul so that Master Cheng Yen can personally certify her as a Tzu Chi commissioner and take refuge as a disciple to further Buddha's teachings.
She hopes that people can remember her as a Tzu Chi volunteer. Tzu Chi has become her way of life, and Chua Hwee Pheng shares that through her daily "Dharma Incense Permeation" sessions, she is learning more dharma teachings and seeking greater clarity in her life.
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